And Oral and Orgasm
I was in my late mid or early late thirties before I experienced an orgasm. It’s an odd confession to make, mainly because I am making confessions about my past life that I am not proud of.
Being anorgasmic is nothing to be embarrassed about. Why I was is a little more so.
I had a small number of sexual partners before I met my ex husband. None of them were memorable or note worthy. None of them put any effort into exploring the idea of me achieving an orgasm, none of them performed oral sex on me (but expected it to be done I them). My ex husband tried going down on me for a while but seriously he would have been as well sitting in the next room licking a lollipop! I stopped him trying after a while. It was wholly disappointing and made me feel incredibly self conscious.
I suggested getting a vibrator at one point. His response was along the lines of “No, if I can’t do it for you…”
With time I stopped him doing most things other than rough straight vanilla fucking because it was the only time I could feel anything. And then that stopped too. All without me getting anywhere near an orgasm.
In my mid 30’s I bought my first vibrator. The only problem then was that I never had a period of time long enough on my own to get a change to play with it 😦 At the same time I was involved in a conversation about the merits of the Wahl Massager which had been perverted as a vibrator for women who need the power that only a mains powered vib can provide. I investigated and discovered that it was only available for 110v & that wouldn’t work on this side of the Atlantic.
I finally got a chance to use my lonely vib (and a chance to have sex with men other than my ex husband) but I was still no closer to an orgasm. I thought I got there on my own & with a vanilla guy but looking back I think I was just having a good time. The vib just didn’t do ‘enough’ for me and as for oral, it continued to be the lollipop in the next room experience.
Earlier this year I found a UK retailer that carries an equivalent of the Wahl in 240v and I sprung the £40 they were asking for it.
Even with the power of that thing it still took 15 minutes but man alive, I got there. Getting there made me realise that what I thought was an orgasm before that was just enjoying myself.
My boy derives personal and sexual satisfaction from performing oral sex and initially I let him do it because he enjoyed it, gaining nothing from it myself.
If truth be told, at the start of my Dommely journey when I read about Dommes having their subs “go down on them as often as they wanted” I thought was “why would I bother?”
At the start of July I confessed that it did nothing for me. He was devastated. Suddenly fixing something that I could live the rest of my life without became important, because it was important to him. I set about problem solving. The fact that it took a mains powered vib to get me off and that oral felt like nothing sent me to Google looking for the answer.
In the middle of a student forum the answer sat, staring at me, inviting me to solve the problem that was only a problem by association. The next time he went down on me I grew a voice & said “you use your teeth” He looked up at me and said “What Miss?” I repeated myself and he obeyed. For the first time in, well, forever I could feel what was going on.
My boy was a little discombobulated by the idea of using teeth on me up close & personal. It went against everything he had ever read/heard/seen. But it worked and he did it. 30 years of experience was useless. He was sat at the bottom of the steep Miss learning curve. It took perseverance (and some climbing equipment) but he made it to the top.
It has taken a lot of personal work, both physical & intellectual, for me to reach a point where I am able to let myself go to enjoy oral and to reach orgasm both with my boy & alone. Hollywoods representation of the multi orgasmic woman doesn’t help women like me. If anything it makes us feel more broken. My boy & I are the only ones to help me. The only ones to learn that this is not broken, it’s just the way I am made.