When the definition is changed, so are the expectations

In my earlier post I talked about the fact that I now fantasise about being a dominant woman. Last week I realised something else very different. With all of my previous sexual partners I have asked them to speak, asked them to tell me what they wanted to do etc. They either didn’t say anything or came up with disappointing crap.

I have known for a long time that I am very aural when it comes to sex, I like to hear stuff. Porn never did anything for me but roleplay porn was borderline ok. When I played on my own, I dialogue everything and when I don’t do that nothing happens for me.

When we have sex my boy is submissive, when he is submissive like that he cannot speak. If I am lucky and I push it I can get a yes/no question answered but that takes away from my goal of hearing stuff.

Last week I told my boy what I planned to do to him. I talked and talked and talked and OH MY GOD! It didn’t matter that I was the one speaking, it didn’t matter that none of it came as a surprise because I knew what I was say but the whole thing came as a surprise. It had never occurred to me that I would get off on speaking my own fantasies while he is around.

It is no longer about providing enough distraction to turn off my brain and stop it wandering elsewhere. Now I engage my brain to stop it wandering off and I also get the aural bit too. That’s a win win.

All these years I have been looking for my sexual partners to speak up about what they wanted to happen when all I needed to do was open my own mouth. I think I would have freaked the others out though, if truth be told.


2 comments on “When the definition is changed, so are the expectations

  1. I went through something similar back when we discovered phone sex. I realized hearing my own thoughts/voice was just as hot as hearing his.

    • We, thankfully, don’t deal with the distance you guys deal with and I’m not overly gone on phone sex so the fact that my boy is incredibly shy isn’t an issue now that I have realised that I can do the talking.

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