Puppies love cuddles and walks and being rubbed and generally being loved. They are all their favourite things.
After a scene yesterday, our first for too long, I felt like that puppy. It was my favourite thing. I was giddy in that puppy way, wanting to know that he had a good time, not because it affected whether I had a good time of not but because I wanted it to be his favourite thing too. I wanted him to get to feel the way I was feeling.
His enjoyment of our sex does not influence whether I enjoy sex. I will probably die not knowing what he gets out of it, wondering how he can possibly get anything out of it but I am coming to accept the fact that he enjoys it. Accept that it is the best sex of his life. None of which actually influences that it is the best sex of my life.
But like a puppy I am made happy by him being happy.
he is happy.