So many things have happened this year already. As I mentioned already we no longer have the buzz of not seeing each other at times.
Somewhere in there I forgot exactly what this thing that we do actually is. I forgot the feeling I get from it. I forgot the joy I have in knowing I control his orgasm, especially over a prolonged period of time. I forgot how exciting it is to elicit that look on his face, that dip of one of his hips as the feeling of submissiveness rips through his body & he has difficulty standing up.
As instructed he cooked dinner naked but instead of an apron he had a cream ribbon tied around his cock and HANDS OFF! written on his lower abdomen.
He has been messing with himself. He has given me a variety of excuses why it has happened, all of which are bullshit. Most recently I walked into his office & found him furtive & watching porn.
Back to the dinner…
Being naked I was free to mess with him. No clothes, no grown up practical reasons to stop me. I wasn’t in the mood to be stopped. So I messed with him, over and over. All the way to the edge and stop, again and again. I ruined his orgasm, I left him wanting, needing more. He is so very mine when he bounces with the need to orgasm. It is in that moment that he is all mine, when all he wants in the world is my attention.
I sent him a text on my way home from work
“When I arrive I expect you to be showered, shaved and naked, except for an apron, and cooking my dinner”
“As you wish Miss”
I got my groove back.
Like all of us I need different things from different people. I need his submission, his love, his attention. I need him to just do what I ask him to do. I need him to not back chat, not sass me, not question why I want what I want. I need all of those things on an ongoing basis. I need his service, his touch, his kisses.
I also need an audience, a group of people to share this part of my life with but one step removed. I need to express the whys and the wherefores of this part of me but cannot do it with mainstream society. And so I blog. But these days I am writing to myself. I know people are reading because they are clicking like etc but there is no feedback (other than The Girl). There is no conversation.
Please say hello. I am not looking to dominate random internets, I just want to know that you are there, that you read what I write, that you like what I write.
As I said, I am needy.
I hate my toenails for a variety of reasons, the main one being they are attached to the toes that I am not overly fond of. I like straight toes. I like his straight toes. I like to mind him, to care for him. When I mind him he feels submissive because I am taking care of him. Not in a “Mammy/boy” way. Just that he feels special when I show my love for him. When he feels special he feels submissive and therefore is more attentive to me. But I don’t take care of him so that he will feel submissive, it’s just a bonus side effect.
On Sunday I asked him to show me his feet. He took off his socks and presented his feet. I told him his toenails needed to be cut. He looked up with that puppy “my favourite thing” look on his face and said “Will you cut my nails Miss?”
Now don’t get the wrong idea, I didn’t end up on my knees cutting his toenails. He put his feet in my lap and I cut the nails on the ends of his beautifully straight toes.
We are living together. We have been for 2 months now. Before this when we saw each other it was finite. I spent much of our time together knowing it was going to end, knowing when it was going to end, trying to fit in as much as possible into the time we had. I always had a sense of living on borrowed time and it took away from my enjoyment of now. If we had 3 days I wanted 4, if we had an evening I wanted the whole night. Nothing was ever enough.
Now we are apart when we are working and 1 – 2 nights a week when one of us is out without the other. We share a bed at least 6 nights out of 7. I am no longer living on borrowed time.
Instead I am dealing with the every day practicalities. Laundry has to be done, it can’t be left until he has gone home. Grocery shopping is essential, no longer a case of stock up on food before he arrives and do the same again after he leaves.
There is no longer the nervous anticipation of his arrival but on the flip side there is also no longer the edgy wondering whether he will arrive at all. Instead there is the peace of knowing he will be there when I get home.
I am hot for him all the time. He makes my heart quicken. The touch of his skin sends sparks through me. I want to inhale him, to take him into my body and make him part of me. I own him sexually and there are sexual undertones to so much of what we do. Our sex and sexuality is pervasive in our lives.
The day to day practicalities of living together will take time to iron out but in the interim we are doing just fine.
I ruined his orgasm & left him to go and wash my hands.
I came back in his robe & sat on the side of the bed. He was lying exactly where I left him. I took his penis in my hand, soft from the ruined orgasm, and confirmed that he had ejaculated but not orgasmed.
I started masturbating him and he covered his face. I instructed him to uncover his face as I wanted to look at it. He moaned, groaned, wriggled, squirmed, bit the inside of his arm. As the intensity of the feelings rose I knew his orgasm was close.
In the moment, as his body reacted to his orgasm I was stunned by the beauty of it. I was overwhelmed by the power of the moment, by the magnitude of this gift I gave him, that was mine to give him.
Right there & then I felt the calm of owning him, of knowing exactly how to bring him pleasure, of knowing him.
There is nothing quite like seeing him wearing nothing but his underwear and a ball gag, standing, excited, waiting for me.