So many things have happened this year already. As I mentioned already we no longer have the buzz of not seeing each other at times.
Somewhere in there I forgot exactly what this thing that we do actually is. I forgot the feeling I get from it. I forgot the joy I have in knowing I control his orgasm, especially over a prolonged period of time. I forgot how exciting it is to elicit that look on his face, that dip of one of his hips as the feeling of submissiveness rips through his body & he has difficulty standing up.
As instructed he cooked dinner naked but instead of an apron he had a cream ribbon tied around his cock and HANDS OFF! written on his lower abdomen.
He has been messing with himself. He has given me a variety of excuses why it has happened, all of which are bullshit. Most recently I walked into his office & found him furtive & watching porn.
Back to the dinner…
Being naked I was free to mess with him. No clothes, no grown up practical reasons to stop me. I wasn’t in the mood to be stopped. So I messed with him, over and over. All the way to the edge and stop, again and again. I ruined his orgasm, I left him wanting, needing more. He is so very mine when he bounces with the need to orgasm. It is in that moment that he is all mine, when all he wants in the world is my attention.
I hate my toenails for a variety of reasons, the main one being they are attached to the toes that I am not overly fond of. I like straight toes. I like his straight toes. I like to mind him, to care for him. When I mind him he feels submissive because I am taking care of him. Not in a “Mammy/boy” way. Just that he feels special when I show my love for him. When he feels special he feels submissive and therefore is more attentive to me. But I don’t take care of him so that he will feel submissive, it’s just a bonus side effect.
On Sunday I asked him to show me his feet. He took off his socks and presented his feet. I told him his toenails needed to be cut. He looked up with that puppy “my favourite thing” look on his face and said “Will you cut my nails Miss?”
Now don’t get the wrong idea, I didn’t end up on my knees cutting his toenails. He put his feet in my lap and I cut the nails on the ends of his beautifully straight toes.
We are living together. We have been for 2 months now. Before this when we saw each other it was finite. I spent much of our time together knowing it was going to end, knowing when it was going to end, trying to fit in as much as possible into the time we had. I always had a sense of living on borrowed time and it took away from my enjoyment of now. If we had 3 days I wanted 4, if we had an evening I wanted the whole night. Nothing was ever enough.
Now we are apart when we are working and 1 – 2 nights a week when one of us is out without the other. We share a bed at least 6 nights out of 7. I am no longer living on borrowed time.
Instead I am dealing with the every day practicalities. Laundry has to be done, it can’t be left until he has gone home. Grocery shopping is essential, no longer a case of stock up on food before he arrives and do the same again after he leaves.
There is no longer the nervous anticipation of his arrival but on the flip side there is also no longer the edgy wondering whether he will arrive at all. Instead there is the peace of knowing he will be there when I get home.
I am hot for him all the time. He makes my heart quicken. The touch of his skin sends sparks through me. I want to inhale him, to take him into my body and make him part of me. I own him sexually and there are sexual undertones to so much of what we do. Our sex and sexuality is pervasive in our lives.
The day to day practicalities of living together will take time to iron out but in the interim we are doing just fine.
his nails scour the skin on my back, giving all the feedback I need to feel, to know, to savour his contact with me. The feint marks create a roadmap of his desire to connect with me, more than he already is.
The fingers of his other hand seek & find the spot that makes my hips buck, my back arch, my breath catch – over and over.
His mouth sends sparks through me as he kisses the small of my back, gently nibbling my skin, again increasing the intensity of his proximity to me.
I cannot see him, cannot see that blissful look on his face or the excitement in his eyes but I can feel it as he uses himself to increase my pleasure.
I may die not know what pleasure he derives from giving me pleasure but in those moments I am enveloped in the beauty of his love for me, held safe in the knowledge that this special connection that we share ties us together in a way nothing else can.
Whether you are managing to take over the world or not, you are still my boy.
Whether you attain the unattainable or not, you are still my boy.
Whether you are top dog or not, you are still my boy.
When I am organised and on top of things he thinks I’m extra hot (when I’m on top of him he thinks I’m extra hot too).
Today is one of those days. Everything that needed to be done for done. Some stuff that didn’t need to be done got done too.
Even I think I’m hot today!
You ask me, and sometimes tell me, about going “back” to a vanilla way of life, of “calling a halt” to D/s. When I asked you last night about why you do it the clearest answer you gave me was that you want to know from me what this way of life is the way I want to continue.
This is the way I want to continue. Full stop. This is our way of life. This is the way we do things.
So the next time you ask me, rather than letting my head think you want out, I am going to remember that you just want confirmation that I want in.
Well, my boy, I am all in.
My dear sweet boy,
You ask why I do what I do. You cannot understand what I get out of what I do.
The way I feel today is why I do it. It is not all about the scene for me. I prepare it. I plan it. I make decisions about it. When I do all of that my whole body fizzes. Every cell in my being is alive and waiting. I can taste the anticipation. I no longer fear that you will not enjoy my plans. Even if they are spectacular failures they only add to the list of what I know about you.
On Wednesday night I showed you what it looks like when I don’t care. I could have been any woman and it did nothing for you.
I am not any woman though. I am your Miss and I do care. I care about all of you, about what you do, how you feel. I want you to know joy with me. I want your whole body to fizz.
I am so excited about tonight. I have made you a special present.
Are you excited?
When I made his spreader bar & used it on him he broke the clip on his ankle cuff in his excitement. I had a look around eBay & found 10 clips for €2 which would do the job perfectly.
They arrived in the post yesterday while my mother was visiting and of course she asked why I bought them. My choices for answers were:
Well, my boy broke the clip on his bondage cuff while I had him hung out of the door frame and getting these clips means I don’t have to replace the whole clip & now I can tie him up again.
I saw an idea for Christmas decorations using clips. I got them for €2 on eBay so I figured “what the heck”
I opted for #2 but I suspect she will want to see the decorations. I think that will have to be a DIY fail that I will just never be able to produce 😉
I didn’t know kink before him. I lived the way I lived and it was both personally and sexually unsatisfied.
I was expected to be in charge and responsible for everything but without the benefits of having someone actually defer to me. It was a case of ‘I want you to make all the decisions but I reserve the right to ignore what you have done/contradict you at any time’ except with regards to sex. That was always on someone else’s terms and to be honest had little or nothing in it for me.
I knew things weren’t right but I didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t know what was missing until he showed me. He showed me the joy of being dominant to someone who wants to be submissive. He told me he needs me to be dominant because he can’t be submissive to himself, similarly I can’t dominate myself. Together we work well, as long as both of us are not off form at the same time which doesn’t happen often.
When I think of kinky things I think of them in relation to him and how he is in my life. New toys are considered for how they can be used on/with him.
I desire no more than I have with him & when I do want more I want it with him.