Why do I do it?

My dear sweet boy,

You ask why I do what I do. You cannot understand what I get out of what I do.

The way I feel today is why I do it. It is not all about the scene for me. I prepare it. I plan it. I make decisions about it. When I do all of that my whole body fizzes. Every cell in my being is alive and waiting. I can taste the anticipation. I no longer fear that you will not enjoy my plans. Even if they are spectacular failures they only add to the list of what I know about you.

On Wednesday night I showed you what it looks like when I don’t care. I could have been any woman and it did nothing for you.

I am not any woman though. I am your Miss and I do care. I care about all of you, about what you do, how you feel. I want you to know joy with me. I want your whole body to fizz.

I am so excited about tonight. I have made you a special present.

Are you excited?

Love,

Miss

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I forget

I hate that I do it but I am not always on the ball and being not always on the ball with a boy that can easily slip into bratty is not a good combination.

When I remember I overcompensate and to be honest I don’t like that. I don’t like fighting for lost ground, trying to make back what I feel I am missing, something that I let go. And yet I love the outcome. I love the him that he is when he is swimming in the pool of domination, when all he wants is to meet my expectations, to not disappoint me any further.

Why can I not have that reaction from him without having to go crazy ass Domme on him? I know it is not him, I know it is me that forgot and remembered too late. I know it is me trying to claw my way back up the pedestal.

One of these days I will break a nail doing this shit!