30 Days of Dominance – Day 7

Day 7 – Do you inflict discipline or punishment as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about discipline and punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?

As I said yesterday, there is no routine domestic discipline in our relationship. I don’t think it invokes submission and it certainly doesn’t maintain it. I would be better off sticking my finger in his mouth to encourage submission. Just as dominance is *in* me, submission is *in* him.

I do punish him if he misbehaves – orgasm denial, withdrawal of privileges etc I don’t expect it to make him submissive, I just expect it to remind him of his place.

Dear Dommely Friends

If I have a problem in work with a colleague I look for advice outside the situation. If I have a problem with a friend or family member I look to my partner or a different friend or family member. All because sometimes I need the voice outside my head to talk to the voice inside my head so that I can come up with a solution, or a route to a solution.

What happens when I have a problem with my sub? I can’t talk to a colleague, my partner (the sub in question), my family or even my friends about what to do. How would I begin to explain the back story before I got to the issue? Then they don’t own the concepts of how we resolve conflict so it would be a pointless exercise.

So what do I do? Where do I go?

This week my boy has broken 6 of his 10 rules. All with a piss poor excuse and I am uninterested in excuses any way.

I am stuck between the idea that he broke the rules because he needs something from me and isn’t using his words and that he broke the rules because he is struggling with the changes that have been happening in our relationship lately. Of course he could have broken the rules because he is a lazy sub and doesn’t see that there are consequences for his actions. Right now in this moment I feel a little lost because I can’t think of a punishment that doesn’t also punish me.

I could make him sleep on the floor – but I like sleeping in the bed with him
I could deny him an orgasm – but that is one of the rules he broke and I enjoy that pleasure that is shared with him
I could tell him to not visit – but then I don’t get to see him, to be near him
I could take off his collar – but that is just plain cruel and to be honest over the top for the problem at hand

I could paddle his backside to the point of him not being able to sit down and while he is not a masochist he is a frubble so if the act makes me happy then he is happy but I don’t know that that is something I can or would do every time he breaks a rule. Why can’t he just get with the idea that the rules are the rules and they are not for breaking?

Back to “where do I go?”. The Interweb of course. I have a few “friends” online who are Dommes, none of whom live with their subs, all of whom are more geographically distant than I am from my boy, all of whom have a set of rules, all of whom struggle with the “what punishment doesn’t also punish me?” problem. It is time to ask my friends how they punish their boys.

If you have told me at the beginning that I would have friends who are Dommes, that I would look to them for Dommely advice or that I would be problem solving a grown man breaking his rules I would have laughed at you. I am not at the beginning now. Things have changed. Now I need to solve this problem.