Day 7 – Do you inflict discipline or punishment as part of your Dominance? Why or why not? How do you feel about discipline and punishment as tools used to invoke and maintain submission from your partner/s?
As I said yesterday, there is no routine domestic discipline in our relationship. I don’t think it invokes submission and it certainly doesn’t maintain it. I would be better off sticking my finger in his mouth to encourage submission. Just as dominance is *in* me, submission is *in* him.
I do punish him if he misbehaves – orgasm denial, withdrawal of privileges etc I don’t expect it to make him submissive, I just expect it to remind him of his place.
Day 5 – Have you been or are you in a Dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?
We have been a couple for 6 months. This is my first D/s relationship. Before him I was married to a man who wanted a dominant woman but it didn’t occur to him to submit to the dominance.
My relationship is unique because we are both completely invested in both maintaining the relationship and the kink. I know there are many other relationships out there doing the same but mine is unique because its about him & his Miss.
Day 4 – Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you? If you are in a Domestic Discipline relationship, are there things that you do not maintain control over?
I am dominant. It is in me. It is what I am. I am not playing a role. There is not one ounce of submissiveness in me. There is also no bottom in me. The closest I get to “bottom” is my position in the missionary position and I am still dominant when I am there 😉
It is simply not what I am. I gain no personal satisfaction from not being the one in control. I gain nothing from not making the decisions (although occasionally I tell him to decide the finer details).
I have no desire to be bound. No need to have impact toys used on me. There is nothing in it for me to be teased. I want what I want and I want it when I want it.
When I decided to be his Mistress, to take him as my own, I didn’t do it from a position of love. I did not frame the basis of my control over him as love because I did not love him. I loved the idea of controlling him, of having him meet and exceed my demands but knew that he would do it out of his desire to have a dominant woman in his life, not out of desire for that woman.
I had expectations, which in the beginning I did not vocalise well or present in the best way but they were still there. He knew they were there but very quickly was having difficulty with idea of submitting to a woman that he is in love with, and loving the woman he is submissive to.
Now when I dominate him, when I make decisions for and about him I do it in the framework of love. I love him, I want him to be the best he can be, I want him to know the sense of fulfilment that comes with submitting to me.
He has lived longer than I have. I cannot use fuller or more complete when I compare his life to mine because I don’t believe either of them. He did more things, went more places, had a more active social life but none of them made him whole. I have done things he hasn’t done.
He desires the experiences I have had, continue to have. By submitting to my dominance, accepting his role in my life he is leaving his old life behind and getting to experience what he desires, what he has always desired. He is getting to have it all. Love & kink, at the same time, with the same person, in the same space.