When you ask me again…

You ask me, and sometimes tell me, about going “back” to a vanilla way of life, of “calling a halt” to D/s.  When I asked you last night about why you do it the clearest answer you gave me was that you want to know from me what this way of life is the way I want to continue.

This is the way I want to continue.  Full stop.  This is our way of life.  This is the way we do things.

So the next time you ask me, rather than letting my head think you want out, I am going to remember that you just want confirmation that I want in.

Well, my boy, I am all in.

Why do I do it?

My dear sweet boy,

You ask why I do what I do. You cannot understand what I get out of what I do.

The way I feel today is why I do it. It is not all about the scene for me. I prepare it. I plan it. I make decisions about it. When I do all of that my whole body fizzes. Every cell in my being is alive and waiting. I can taste the anticipation. I no longer fear that you will not enjoy my plans. Even if they are spectacular failures they only add to the list of what I know about you.

On Wednesday night I showed you what it looks like when I don’t care. I could have been any woman and it did nothing for you.

I am not any woman though. I am your Miss and I do care. I care about all of you, about what you do, how you feel. I want you to know joy with me. I want your whole body to fizz.

I am so excited about tonight. I have made you a special present.

Are you excited?